My friends, my habits, my family, they mean so much to me, i just don't think that it's right.
I've seen so many ships sailing just to head back out again and go off sinking.
I'm just a box in a cage.
It might be a little "emo" to lead off a "blog" with some "heavy lyrics," but those emo are kids are right about one thing- some people are better writers than others and, about some things, its not worth it to pretend.
I really like where I am right now. I am building a career in the one field that I could do work in for the rest of my life: play. I literally play for a living. Like, with kids. Games and stuff. We say poop and fart and giggle for a while. I couldn't have dreamed up something better when I was 10. A wise man said: "You're only young once but you can be immature forever."
I consider myself very lucky to be in the situation that I'm in. I remember everyday that, by all accounts, I should be dead. There are many people that are worse off than me and I feel for them. Truly and deeply. If you look at the statistics, many of my generation feel that drugs, alcoholism, and various other poor life choices including suicide and punk rock are better alternatives to participation in mainstream society. To be happy with the circumstances that I find myself in is a blessing that few are lucky enough to have.
And still, people ask me "You're doing what?" "What about money?" "What do you do for real, when the summer playtime life is over?" "What about your future?" I know where these people are coming from. Many of these people were raised in circumstances different from mine, with values different from mine, and over-arching life themes different from mine. Its ok. We're all different.
But, what kind of "love" is it if it exists or functions or thrives or is best when it is dictated by the terms of the "love-er?" Isn't love and appreciation of life and true altruism and community best exemplified by acceptance? Acceptance of what the person you love does, no matter what it is? No matter how antithetical it is to your own, personal views? No matter how the "love-ee" acts, and speaks, and lives, you can get along and even, you know, like, love them?
I am just of as guilty of this breach as those I am pointing out. It may be the hardest thing in the world to love someone despite their acting 100% counter to our own ideals. If my children acted and believed as contrary to me as I did and do to my own parents, would I, could I, give them the same amount and type of love that I would and could as if they mirrored me? This is something I cannot know until it happens, and I pray to whoever listens or reads for help.
But (and this is the biggest, smelliest butt of them all), that doesn't mean we should not talk about it. Just because its hard, and it might happen to me, and it was different in the old days is no excuse for not doing something. We are in a new world with new challenges and new consequences. Dire consequences. If we don't do something, my generation will inherit a world that can't even help itself out of the hole that we have dug for ourselves.
If this way of living, the way that brought us here, the way that our forebears bore, they way that our parents and grandparents lived and grand-lived, nurtured and grand-nurtured, and then subsequently rebelled (and, yes, even grand-rebelled) against isn't challenged, what will happen?
What has happened to our country, our society, our way of life? Is anybody completely satisfied? Who can say that this is exactly what they hoped for? If the answer to any of these involves a negative of any kind, then who among us can say what is needed, necessary, even good? The only thing that can be " bad" is the same old same old.
So I'm going going on a bike ride. Why? Who the fuck are you? Why do you sit at a desk all day? Why do you keep going back to a job you don't like? Why do you keep going back to a job you love more than anything? You have as much right to ask your question as I do mine.
I love talking about it; don't get me wrong. If you have a sincere interest in what I am doing and why I am doing it, I'd love to talk about it. If you have an alternative life track that you believes helps you or the world out, I'd love to hear about it. If you have a way for me to help you help the world and my generation and the forthcoming generations, I really would be interested in talking about it. If you want to know why I am not following the same track you are, don't ask. If you want to know why I'm not interested in signing up for a mortgage, 3 college tuitions and an alimony by age 25, you must live under a rock.
This might come across as a very negative post at first, but I think that it is something that many bicycle tourers must deal with when they live in this country. Its a life choice that is very contrary to many of the choices that our peers make. If you know someone that rides a bike more than they drive a car, I'll wager they empathize at least a little bit with my feelings here.
That demographic is becoming a bigger and bigger percentage of the population. Its becoming harder and harder to live the way everyone else has. There are no jobs, a dollar isn't worth a quarter, and most "face time" takes place on an iPhone.
The people that get that joke probably want to tell me what's what. Most of my socio-ecomnomic class didn't even get it.
-24 Hours Later-
I have read and reread this last entry. I am very hesitant to put it up. It might be beside the point. It might make people think I'm crazy (if they don't already).
I want to stress that I love talking about these things with people. Those who know me well could tell you that I would never ever turn down an important conversation. Despite the very words I have written, I always want you to ask me rather than not ask. Not so I can convince you or judge you, but because part of what I find it interesting, what everybody thinks they should be doing. I'm curious and I love to talk about this stuff.
This last entry is sort of an epic, emo, storybook style response to a feeling that has not ever really been offered to me in a direct way. I have definitely felt this from some people, but they were mostly concerned, not judgmental (wait, some were judgmental). This is the result of stewing and thinking too much about hypothetical arguments that never happened to begin with.
But I do feel that this is an important thing to say. So many people tell me "Chris, I can't wait till you have kids." Whats that supposed to mean? I can't wait til you're old and can't wipe your own ass, and rather than give you the care you so desperately want, I'll just have to drag you around in my bike trailer. The world you left me isn't capable of offering you that which you lust after.
I really wanted to, with this post, get at the real feelings behind these comments that people make and my feelings behind my responses (which, by the way, I probably wimped out on. I most likely just said something like "We'll have to wait and see").
We all need to start being really honest with each other. If you really are not comfortable without someone emulating your own lifestyle, its much healthier to get that out in the open right now, rather than wait for you to get upset because they never did it. We really need to start looking for alternative lifestyles that offer us each a way to be happy and make a living. We need to do this for ourselves and for each other. All of us looking to stress this collapsing system in the same way will only collapse it sooner.
Why is this on my bike blog again? This is one way of living that I think is not only really cool but is totally do-able, nay, easy. Too many people line up to get corporate jobs they know they won't like anyway. You could just be a bike tramp. Lots of people do it. I think I'm going to give it a try in 47 days. I'd really like to hear all of your constructive criticisms and comments, but please, keep your naysaying to yourself.
